“I’ve honestly fallen in love with a man and I’ve honestly fallen in love with a woman. I don’t know how you label that, it’s just how it is.” ~ Evan Rachel Wood
The last time Husband and I spoke about our white elephant, he wondered what everyone would say when they found out I am gay. Then he informed me that two women won’t be raising his children! Oh that reminds me, the 1800s called and they want their pre-suffragette ways back!!!
So I was discussing this with My Girl, probably much to her torment since it wasn’t the first and won’t be the last time!!! She identifies as gay, but believes it doesn’t define her, she is still a lot of other things. She does not feel she or I need a label. She is just a woman. Pretty damn cool she is not bothered by needing a label! But as I have written before I feel that I do need one, but now I am wondering if I just need one to satisfy society.
I told My Girl that it made me angry that he said I have to tell them I am gay. Why? I want to tell them that Daddy and I can’t live together anymore because Mommy hasn’t been happy and that he can’t make me happy anymore. Or something like that. But I didn’t think right now they needed to know all the details.
It made me angry because honestly I don’t think I am gay. I just said that to him thinking it would make the most sense and make it easier for him to let me go. It didn’t but too late now.
I met and fell in love with 3 men over my life, and so society says I am straight because that was all I knew. I met and fell in love with a woman, so society says I am a lesbian. Oh well actually I must be bi since I have children. But I don’t really identify with any of those. The best I can feel comfortable with for what I am is not completely straight, but society will insist I be something. Why? Who is it hurting if I say I am not completely straight anymore?
I said to My Girl that I still find men attractive, and still find women attractive, but I don’t look at other women and think about having an intimate relationship with them. I just feel that with her. As for being with a man again, I could, but don’t want to. So what does that make me? Why can’t I just be lucky that I have found more than one love during my lifetime? Why is it normal for her to love me but not for me to love her, regardless of who I loved before and what either of us declare as our preference? Why will it one day be assumed that we are both lesbians when we are together in public? Why is it anyone’s business?
You can’t help how you feel or who you love. Loving her doesn’t change that I am a passionate, generous, compassionate, and sometimes fun working outside the home mom, who loves to read, scrapbook, write and be at the beach, who sucks at math and cries at every movie, who has had ups and downs in my life, and each day is thankful to be alive one more day, trying to be the best me I can be and do the best I can. I am still me, a person in love. And it happens to be with another woman.
My label is loved. How about that?