Kindness

“The words of kindness are more healing to a drooping heart than balm or honey.” ~ Sarah Fielding

It’s been quite a week, but finally I think I have entered a less emotional, more peaceful state. I know it will not last long, but I appreciate the break nonetheless.

I had a health scare, though I told myself it would be nothing, I have no history. It turned out to be nothing. I was approved for an apartment and signed the lease and was at once terrified and exhilarated. I was able to see My Girl after a self imposed separation due to my boss noticing I had four appointments in one week and a complaint from someone else to her that I didn’t come to work on a snowy day though I did work from home. I felt I was being unfairly watched and didn’t want to risk even taking a too long lunch. Husband started a civil conversation about property taxes and then before I could say I appreciate his kindness he quickly went into a guilt trip reminding me how I have already devastated him and will soon devastate our children too and told me I was selfish. And of course somehow someone I have not seen in over a year found out something that I haven’t told anyone and began spreading rumors around and it got back to my mother-in-law and now I have to tell my children sooner than planned.

So it was a lot to deal with. I was very stressed, not sleeping well, and generally not feeling too strong about anything. Then I decided to tell my boss what is going on, because I didn’t want her to hear it from anyone else. It was nervewracking because she is the first person that I chose to tell, not needing to tell to make arrangements, and I feared her reaction. I simply said my husband and I will be divorcing and that’s why I had had so many appointments and why I haven’t really been myself but that it would not affect my work.

She was surprised and said “Oh not another one!” and then asked me how I was doing and urged me to use the Employee Assistance Benefit and get support. She reassured me that it was not a problem to do what I needed to do and she would be glad to help me in any way she could. That one day we would all four be ok.

It was the kindness of her asking how I was and telling me everyone would be ok that helped me I think. My Husband has never asked me how I feel as we progress through the last days of our marriage, and of course no one else knows yet. It was so sincere and much needed. My previous boss would have said “Well don’t let it affect any deadlines.” and then found ways to blame me for anything she was upset about. Talk about a toxic atmosphere and I am thankful I removed myself from it before now!

My boss’ kindness helped calm my anxiety and gave me hope that maybe I will not lose everyone due to this difficult decision, and that not everyone will think I am cruel.

It’s so important to try to be kind to people. Kind words can make a huge difference, and are always more helpful than unkind words. We don’t know what other people are dealing with.

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