“Tears fall in my heart like the rain on the town.” ~ Paul Verlaine
There’s nothing like curling up on a cot, in a too dark, quiet and unfamiliar empty apartment, using your cell phone to provide light because you forgot to buy a nightlight and are afraid to spend even $5 right now, and listening to the rain…. And suddenly bursting into sobs you are trying to muffle because you don’t know where the downstairs bedroom is and you don’t want to disturb the neighbors you don’t know. Sigh.
It was a rough day. I was unmotivated, unfocused, sad and exhausted. I thought about going “home” but I don’t want to be that person that lets every personal thing affect their job performance. I didn’t cry though, until I went to bed. I had tried to do something nice for My Girl and instead picked the scab off my heart and made it bleed again. And listening to the rain just made it all too much.
I just feel so alone. I feel pathetic. I hurt my family and then got it right back. I am afraid to hope that I will ever be happy again because something bad always happens.
I have already cried enough for a new river and it is only Day 2 of New Life, well almost Day 3. I know I am no where near done crying and that just depresses me more.
I don’t know what my point is in this late night rambling. Just trying to reach out and not feel so alone I guess. Thanks for “listening.”