“Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you…unless you believe them. Then they can destroy you.” ~ Charles Glassman
Conversations with R this weekend went from “I still don’t understand how this happened, I still have feelings for you but I filed for divorce, let’s be amicable” to “You are screwing me over and you have no conscience, get out of my house.”
Wait, did my life suddenly become the latest Freaky Friday movie? He is behaving way worse than my teenager!
Since I moved out he has said these things and many more:
- Let’s not file. Let’s try to figure things out first to save money. (I agreed but talked to a lawyer anyway to make sure seeing My Girl couldn’t be used against me. It can’t.) I think you are having a midlife crisis though.
- You were late picking up the kids and won’t tell me where you were! You were talking to the lawyer, I know it! (No actually I was talking to my therapist.) You always lie.
- I didn’t realize your health and whereabouts had to be a big f***ing secret. (Uh yes they do since I no longer live under his thumb.)
- Your infidelity WILL come up if you make things get nasty!!!! (Uh well that is a good threat, but since it is likely the cause of most divorces it doesn’t really do anything but reassure me that I am not alone, but unless he spent the money for a PI which I doubt, he has no proof.)
- When I told him I was going away to see a friend (My Girl) for a long weekend, that really opened a rant: You need to tell your therapist and lawyer and whoever else you are talking to what you are up to so they know what to do to help you and know what they are dealing with. You can’t just go galivanting off all the time, you have children! You are acting crazy! (Well it was his turn to have them so….)
- When my lawyer sent a request for documentation to determine what debts/assets the marriage has: I told you not to talk to a lawyer! You have no idea how much this will cost us! Why isn’t the fact that I have the kids on my health insurance on here? You had better not go after my 401(k)!!! You are not the person I married! (I told him a gazillion times the letter was just to determine the debts/assets and nothing else, and that insurance isn’t an asset and I have no interest in his retirement plans!)
- Likely in response to the documentation letter: Well I filed. I declined to have you served in person because I am not so mean. I don’t know why you had to keep talking to that person and let it get to this point. Now you can jump up and down because you will be rid of me. This will be so expensive! (Again with the money. Uh…money is not the issue and never was!)
- You have no conscience, talking to people, leaving your family, spending so much money, not telling the lawyer the truth about all I pay…get out of my house. (I was there to have him sign my car registration and pick our daughter up to shop for Homecoming shoes, and had apologized for taking some of his time but with her volleyball schedule her time is limited during the week! So in the car I had to say to my daughter that I was sorry that she had to hear all that and Daddy shouldn’t do that in front of you.)
Yes, I get that I hurt him. I was very upset by him filing, but now I am relieved that things are going to move along and this will soon be over and our divorce won’t be final on our daughter’s birthday. I get he is trying to hurt me with his words. I can’t control how he acts or what he says, but I can control how I react. I am none on the things he says….I am not stupid, disloyal, perverted, cold, calculating, dishonest, selfish or a bad person. I do deserve to be happy, and am a good mother.
Life is too short for such negativity. He can say whatever he wants to me, or other people, but I do not believe his words anymore. They do not have the power to destroy me now.
I have the power to believe in me now. Those are the only words that matter.