Happy New Year! Glad you are still reading.
I don’t usually do the writing prompts, but this one caught my eye at an interesting time so I figured the Universe wanted it.
So what am I crossing? The line? The bridge? The threshold? Yes, all I guess.
It’s been a difficult time… First understatement of the year! 🙂 Holidays were rough and I am glad they are over though I did have my kids most of the time. I didn’t decorate much or do cards and didn’t go crazy on gifts and I was ok about it. Generally I was at peace until Almost Ex got mad that I didn’t want to share cost or opening time with him. I just couldn’t bear to listen to him be mopey or angry like last year. Why on earth does he want to spend time with me after all this? I wouldn’t had he left!
Last night I accidentally sent a text to him meant for My Girl saying I would wish the year away to be in the light, and happy and with my kids. Meaning I just want to be through all this shit, with her, and my kids know about her and maybe even have met her and we are all happy. What’s wrong with that? Well I told him to ignore it and he got all butt hurt that I sent it to him by mistake and said really Flutter, how hateful to say you want to be with our children with no involvement from me in their lives!!! Calm the fuck down dude and tell me where the hell you got that and why still everything has to be about YOU. Then he kept pestering me to explain the comment. I want to be happy again, duh!!!!
Only about 26 days until the divorce is final, though we have yet to figure out division of assets and custody. His lawyer thinks it is better to do all that after the waiting period not during. Whatever, my lawyer is on the ball. He isn’t going to like what we need to discuss and I am almost fully in the “well it’s my life I don’t care” way of thinking so that is good!
I’m trying to cross the line between worry of what will happen and acceptance of what is happening with him and the kids and our new normal. This is my life right now and it is beyond messy, but it will not always be like this. No one ever died from getting divorced.
Today I crossed the bridge of Control. Before Christmas I had a feeling that my job was on the line. My boss has become an extremely negative micromanager. I am getting in trouble for ridiculous things I cannot control and ignored most days unless I do something she feels is wrong. She is acting like the boss at my previous job that almost made me have a mental breakdown. Life is too short to deal with that level of crazy. Today I was convinced she was going to fire me during my task status update. She didn’t, but asked me where every single file is located and if there was anything else to do for something due yesterday, which she never did before. Yesterday she was in a status meeting with the other marketing person and then suddenly the door was closed and the other person avoided me all day today.
Maybe I am paranoid or maybe she is waiting until tomorrow who the heck knows. But today I decided I couldn’t deal with the stress of her and waiting for the proverbial shoe to fall anymore. I am not sleeping due to stress. And for the first time in my life, I resigned without having a new job waiting. I almost chickened out, but it is always better to resign than be fired. I chose to take back control of my life, to cross the bridge from a toxic work environment to a new career path, hopefully something that is more writing focused and different from what I have done for over 20 years. What that is, I don’t know yet. And it is actually more exciting than scary!
So truly I feel that what I am finally crossing is the Threshold….of Hope. Of Light. Of My New Happy Life. Please Universe don’t block my crossing now.