Feeling Normal Again

A week ago I vacated my apartment and moved with my cats into my friend J’s basement.  I am staying with her during the week and staying with kid(s) at my old house on the weekends until next Tuesday.  6 days until new life begins! How crazy is that, when there were days I thought I would never get thru the darkness, never have a chance at happiness. And now, it is all less than a week away.

But anyway. It has been wonderful to stay with J and her boyfriend and her crazy pug. I realized it has been the beginning of my transition to my New Life. I don’t live in my apartment and don’t share custody of my kids, but it was not a sudden break from them. I feel like living with her I have come to be at peace with all this suddenly. It didn’t hurt that J’s boyfriend has been cooking incredible meals! 🙂

It has also been nice to have adult conversations and drink wine at the fire pit. We have had a variety of conversations, and he and I didn’t always agree, but it never got heated like I am used to. How refreshing and normal. They are so happy together and I am thrilled for J.

I also felt like baking a dessert today, which I haven’t done in forever. I made these Smore’s cups. I wanted something easy but also J had limited ingredients lol. They turned out good but messy!

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Then when I was looking for a container to put them in, an avalanche of lids and containers spilled out of the cabinet. Why I felt like doing it I don’t know. Lord knows I will have plenty to organize next week! I didn’t throw anything away, just nested container sets and put stray lids in a basket, but it felt good. I did it as a thank you, mostly, but it was also a little soothing for me creating order from chaos and helping J with something she didn’t have time to do.

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Random things, but signs that I am starting to adjust to the end of my Old Life. I’m ready to feel normal again.

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On the Road to a New Normal

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Me and “the boys” huddled in the empty corner

In a few hours, most of my belongings will be making their way to their new home. I will be flying out at crack ass for unloading, then spending the weekend with My Girl…. If she still wants me after I become Ms. Cranky Exhausted Grouchypants from the too early flight and the stress of moving! 😜 I will be driving to stay, with “the boys,” at the end of the month.

It’s been an interesting day. Lots of emotions. Saw my therapist and she was so excited and supportive, and we made a treatment plan which allows me to be seen as far as four months out. She feels I have made great progress, but we haven’t even touched on the reason I was referred to her, my “sperm donor.” She can’t do phone calls or Skype, and since I will be coming back to see my kids, it should work out. She reminded me to stay in today, and realize many mistakes are still to be made, but many more successes too.

Then I had to deal with Probably Never Ex and he was such a pain in my butt! He was hovering over the movers making sure they didn’t wander through the house stealing things. Obnoxiously and loudly saying, “No, that doesn’t go.” after I had just told them what WAS going. I guess because I don’t have a clue as to what is mine or not.

I decided to stay in my apartment tonight because I have to leave around 3:30 a.m. and didn’t want to disturb J or her kids. I asked the movers to leave the chaise cushion to sleep on. Being here with just a few things reminds me of my first nights here after I left, only now the sadness isn’t the strongest emotion.

It truly is amazing how much things change in a short time. Now I am just a few weeks away from changing my life road and heading to a new normal.

We’ll see what happens….good or bad, but no regrets.

 

 

No More Stress, OK?

I told my friend J that after this move, I am done with stressful events for a long time. Yeah, if only it was that easy.

Next Wednesday my furniture in my apartment and old house are going to be loaded for their road trip. I have boxes every damn where, and even shipped some to myself already, but it doesn’t really seem like I am getting anywhere with packing! I’m trying to tell myself the boxes are just too small, but damn I have a lot of crap! I’m glad I gave myself a few days before my lease expires, otherwise I think I would be seriously fucked right about now getting everything done. I keep telling myself not everything needs to go now, some can go with me in my car or stay with J until she can help me bring it down. But still, it’s overwhelming. I haven’t even begun to do anything at the house. I just couldn’t.

Then I am stressing myself out by worrying that my kids aren’t upset enough. WTF is that about? I should be glad they are OK. They both said they are willing to figure it out as we go, so why can’t I believe them? Mom guilt, that’s why.

Though at least they aren’t dwelling on it like Probably Never Ex is. I can barely stand to talk to him for even a minute lately. Between the negativity and passive aggressive comments, I could scream.

At least his sloth-like lawyer has shown signs of life. Though she told Probably Never Ex that she reached out to my attorney weeks ago. I figured it was a lie to placate him for sitting on my offer for three months. Lo and behold, my lawyer sent me a copy of their counter offer….dated May 2! I seriously do not know how his attorney can maintain a practice!

My cashed out retirement funds are just about gone, so there’s more stress. Though I did apply to an employment agency and the recruiter called me immediately and said marketing is hot right now, and scheduled a meeting for next Friday afternoon. She said she is confident she can place me quickly, so that’s a bit of good news, and brings hope.

I also applied for a credit card through my bank and was approved, so now I have a little more ability to stay afloat, barely, but still, above water is better than below!

I told J I will be so happy when June is here and I am officially in my new life, but I will probably sleep all month from the exhaustion of it all.

Just please God, no more stress right now, ok?